My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
