I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
