i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
