Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
