we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
