theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
this must be what syphilis tastes like
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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