I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
