Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
