i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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