haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
