last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
