Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
