so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
