The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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