i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
