We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Randomize
