I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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