It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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