He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I know her cup size but not her name....
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