saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
