I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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