5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
