Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
