Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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