Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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