hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You ate ashes out of my bong
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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