I just made out with a guy for $7.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
