I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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