im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
