just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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