in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
