the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
