Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
