craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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