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i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
