So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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