It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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