I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
