he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
My life is pants optional.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
