why didn't you poke me back
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
so much tequila, so little girl.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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