Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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