I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
