batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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