Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
