i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
