my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
She's the barista slut.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
