somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
