I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
