Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
