I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
