you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
