We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
