I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
