the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
