You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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