She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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