I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
