Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
