my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
