totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
