Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
