It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
