I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize