i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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