I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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