Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Houston, we have a blender
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
