kristin has been a bad kristin
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
