First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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