Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
