OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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