im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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