5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
